Beyond the forecast: Loved one with alzheimers
September 4th, 2012 at 8:31 am by Tara Hastings under Weather
Today is my grandmother’s 84th birthday. Nana, as I call her, has been through a rough year along with all of our family. We’re not sure how much longer she’ll be around because she’s continuing to decline from Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Growing up I remember Nana as always keeping a clean house and allowing me to pretend to cook with her Tupperware. Here we are in 1984 on Mother’s Day. (That wallpaper is gone…yikes!)
She grew up in the depression and didn’t graduate high school but always had a heart for learning. She would always spend time doing the crossword puzzles in the newspaper to improve her spelling and vocabulary and read the bible often. Because she grew up poor her and my grandfather always were trying to get the best bargains. They used coupons, shopped sales and every Christmas my family and I would always laugh because you could always hear Nana saying “Save the bows!” Each year we would have a bow from last year taped on our present.
Earlier this year my father and aunt had to make the difficult decision of putting Nana into an assisted living facility. It wasn’t easy and she fought hard saying she wanted to go home. However her dementia and alzheimer’s was so bad she forgot how to open the door, manage the heat and cook. While the decision was difficult it was necessary for her safety.
I’ve seen so many changes in her over the last few months. I’ve been home about three times this year and each time I see further progression of the disease. The first visit it was putting candy wrappers either on the floor or in the couch cushion (SO bizarre after seeing her keep a clean house all those years) The second visit I almost cracked up laughing. There’s a locked drawer where her medication are kept and I was going to get a nurse to unlock it to grab something for her. Instead she said “shhh. Here I”ll open it” She proceeds to take out the top drawer and reach down into the locked drawer. It took everything in me not to start laughing. She’s like a child who wants a cookie from the cookie jar and she found a way to get it. I was amazed at how fast this disease is taking her mind away. The last time I talked with her on the phone she said to say hello to my sister, (I’m an only child) she thought I was my cousin.
Nana can be stubborn at times but my aunt and I have decided to use laughter as a way to heal the pain. Apparently with Alzheimer’s patients they assume people are stealing from them when in reality they hide things and can’t remember where they hid them. My aunt and I were trying desperately to find her hearing aids (of course they were in the locked drawer) and I found out that she hides things in the clothes hamper. There are no clothes – instead there’s a can of hairspray, a bag of pencils and a variety of other things. No one will take a dollar can of hairspray or pencils. I’m not going to tell her that if people really wanted to steal something her flat screen TV would be the first to go – however there’s NO way the TV would fit into the hamper 
I’ve lost two grandparents about 15 years ago. But for some reason this situation is different to me. Is it because I am older and wiser? Or could it be that in a way I am losing my grandmother twice? First her mind then her body. I’m not sure but either way it’s difficult.
As she continues to decline I will always remember the person she was throughout the years – not the woman she’s been the last few months.
If you have questions about Alzheimer’s – here’s a link to the Alzheimer’s Association.
Tara:
I read your story with tears in my eyes. My own mother (who is only 69) has started down a steady decline of dementia. Right now, it isn’t called Alzheimer’s because she scored a “low average” on her reasoning skills, but much of what you said about your Nana, I already see in my mother (namely the hiding things and thinking people are stealing from her).
My mother hides things constantly (in the hamper, buried in a trashcan full of dry dog food, in couch cushions, in her dryer, in the trunk of her car that she is not permitted to drive, in the coffee filters) — but then she attacks me verbally with her accusations. It is sooo hard as I am on the receiving end of her rages (for lack of a better word).
My mother is also angry ALL THE TIME. Every situation, she will find something nasty to say. She covers this well in front of people she doesn’t want knowing how nasty she has become — but oh my gosh, it is exhausting.
She lives on her own still — but she cannot use the remote (I had to tape up all the buttons except the power, channel up and down and volume) because she kept messing up the settings. She also has an alarm system that she can no longer work and will press all the buttons just because it’s there — and then call me to fix it. This past weekend — she decided her phone line was tangled, so she unplugged the phone and tried untangling it — but proceeded to *somehow* mess up the phone and I have to go over later to fix it.
She doesn’t know who to call if something breaks (like — call an appliance repairman for an appliance problem, call HVAC person for AC problems, etc.). Instead — I get all the calls.
They say she is okay to live on her own for now — but I have to wonder for how much longer? I can so relate to your family’s struggle with making that decision.
Anyway — bless your heart and please know you are not alone.
Debbie –
We went through an angry phase with my grandmother. I didn’t want to go into details but it was very hard on my father and aunt. She never said anything mean to me but I’m not “there” all the time like my dad and aunt.
I am so happy to hear your mother doesn’t drive. My Nana would come home from a trip to the grocery store with scratches on the car but had no idea where they were from. The part the really scared me was one day when she went to the grocery store and forgot about a pot of pasta she had on the stove. A minor mistake any of us could make however it’s dangerous and scary.
It was a hard decision but with consultation from doctors and discussion of the family she was moved into the facility. It’s a great move because we don’t have to worry about her getting hurt or lost.
Thank you for sharing your story Debbie – I wish you all the best as you go through the same thing.